Planning a small wedding with a big family
I can hear my mother now… But we HAVE to invite Aunt Judy!” Sound familiar? If you’re trying to plan a small, intimate wedding but have a big family, you’re not alone. In the Midwest, guest lists can hit 100+ before you even make it to your friends! So how do you create a meaningful, intentional wedding day without the guilt trips, hurt feelings, or total family meltdowns?
After 18 years in the wedding industry, I’ve helped countless couples navigate this exact challenge. In this guide, I’ll share my best strategies for keeping your wedding small while making everyone feel included—and how to communicate your guest list decisions with confidence.
Let’s make your intimate wedding stress-free and unforgettable (in the best way)!
Venue/Denizen MKE Photos/Lisa Young Photography Florals/MF Floral & Designs Design/Q Jancola Wedding Planning
The emotional struggle of a small guest list
You Feel: Guilt over cutting extended family. Parents pressuring for a larger guest list. Fear of offending close friends or coworkers.
Solutions:
1. Start by disassociating from those feelings - let it go! Take a deep breath and write your must have, needs to be there list without the guilt. Who’s on it? This is your starting guest list.
2. Now, let’s settle back into those not so great feelings. Who do those who are most important to you have on their guest list? While, yes, this is your day, mom and dad may have some guests on their need to be there list. Decide how many seats you can sacrifice for the cause and allow your parents ‘X’ amount of invites.
3. You made it to your ceremony and dinner guest list!
4. BUT! What about all of these other people?!?!? I’ve got you. Now we’re going to build our reception guest list. This list will receive a separate invitation to arrive once dancing starts - typically, around 8pm. These are your co-workers, your distant friends and family'; any one who didn’t make the dinner list. To keep them feeling included and part of the festivities, plan for a fun late night station and maybe include them in the bar package. This list can be as big or as small as your venue can accommodate. It saves you so much time, energy and money to have a reception guest list while still allowing you to celebrate with everyone!
How to Handle Family Expectations & Pushback
Here’s the thing. People’s feelings will be hurt. Someone will feel left out. BUT a typical wedding guest doesn’t know the investment, amount of mental space, stress and preparations a wedding takes and probably hasn’t stopped to consider they will cost you a minimum of $150 toward your day. We are going to be the bigger person here… We’re going to be compassionate and understanding…but we are going to tell it like it is and hold our ground.
Polite but firm responses to “Why wasn’t I invited?”
1. I know, it’s such a bummer! I fell in love with an event space and it can only hold 80 people.
2. I had a really hard time with it too. I made a promise to myself I would not surpass my budget and to meet it, I needed to stick to only my closest family and friends.
3. We’ve put a lot of thought into keeping our wedding intimate so we can truly enjoy the day without feeling overwhelmed. We’re making decisions based on what feels right for us, and we hope you can support that. We know it’s hard, but we promise to find other ways to celebrate with those who aren’t on the guest list!
If you are able to accommodate a larger list for the reception, this makes it a little easier to break the news to people! If not, stay true to yourself and remember - those that love you will be disappointed, yes - but they will want you to be happy. It’s your wedding day!
How to Word Invitations & Save-the-Dates for a Small Guest List
Wording Ideas for Save the Dates/Wedding Announcements
1. We’re so excited to say ‘I do’ with our closest family and friends! Due to the intimate nature of our wedding, we are keeping our guest list small. Thank you for your love and support—we can’t wait to celebrate together in spirit!
2. Big love, small guest list! We’re planning an intimate wedding surrounded by our nearest and dearest. While we wish we could celebrate with everyone, we are keeping things cozy. Thank you for your understanding, and we hope to celebrate with you soon!
3. We’re keeping our wedding intimate, but the celebration doesn’t stop there! We can’t wait to toast with all our loved ones at our [post-wedding reception/gathering] on [date]. Stay tuned for details!
Wording ideas for invitations
1. We’re keeping our wedding intimate. We can’t wait to celebrate with you for our reception beginning at [time].
2. Our wedding will be an intimate celebration with close family and friends. We appreciate your love and understanding, and we can’t wait to celebrate with during our reception at [time]. Drinks and pizza will be provided so we can all focus on the dance floor!
Wording Ideas for no plus ones or children
1. We adore your kiddos, but for our special day, we have chosen to keep the celebration intimate and kid-free. We appreciate your understanding.
2. Due to venue capacity, we are only able to accommodate children in the wedding party. We hope this advance notice allows you to make necessary arrangements, and we appreciate your understanding.
The Perks of an Intimate Wedding
One of the biggest wedding regrets I hear? “I barely saw my partner, and the night flew by.”
When your guest list hits 150, 200, or even 250+, your wedding day can feel like a whirlwind. You’ll spend the night making rounds, posing for endless photos, and chatting with distant relatives or plus-ones you’ll likely never see again. Before you know it, it’s 9 PM—and you haven’t even had a moment to soak in the fact that you just got married.
With an intimate wedding, the experience shifts. You’ll have time to be present, enjoy deep conversations with your guests, and actually celebrate with your partner instead of feeling like an event host. It’s about quality over quantity—a wedding day where you’re not just checking people off a list but truly connecting with the people who matter most.
Budget-Friendly Without Sacrificing Luxury
Let’s be real—have you looked at your Pinterest board lately? Those dreamy tablescapes, lush florals, and jaw-dropping candlelit receptions? They cost money.
One of the biggest questions to ask yourself is: “What’s most important to me?”
If it’s a big, high-energy party—go for it! Just know that some things (like those custom floral installations or signature cocktails) might take a back seat to the cost of feeding a massive guest list. If you’re envisioning a gorgeous, design-forward day filled with your closest friends and family—maybe a micro wedding is the way to go. Fewer guests mean you can splurge on the details that matter—like breathtaking flowers, curated food stations, or an unforgettable dining experience.
There’s no wrong answer—just the right fit for you.
Meaningful wedding experience
Wedding guest list regrets
Small wedding vs. big wedding
Luxury micro wedding
Budget-friendly wedding without sacrificing style
Entire Vendor Team:
Venue: Denizen MKE
Planning: Q Jancola
Photos: Lisa Young Photography
Florals: MF Floral + Design
Rentals: Event Essentials
Attire: Miss Ruby’s Bridal Bar
Stationary: Couqi Paperie
Cake: Whisk Chick
